sorry, but i don't see the problem myself.
http://seedmagazine.com/images/uploads/attractive_article.jpg
http://img1.ak.crunchyroll.com/i/spire3/b244c4602bfe518343314db046afffef1224361421_full.jpg

depth-mapped shadows are just wrong, and with a small map size (especially without out zooming) they really don't shadow crevices on a face properly.  even 1024 wouldn't necessarily be enough if the shadow cam covers a whole scene or even the whole figure.  basically, you can't use them as your comparison, because physically, they're just completely wrong.

it sounds like what you're fighting with is spread or blur.   what's your shadow blur on your raytraced shadows?  when you use AO (if at all), what's your distance?  imho, Poser's raytraced shadows do have a problem with being too differentially blurry.  while they can blur nicely at a distance, the close shadows (like on the lips) are too sharp at almost any setting.  but that's just to my eyes; i haven't actually done tests to match photos.

also, since you haven't mentioned it, i'm assuming these are all at the same blurring amount.  even if it's not at 0, you might try turning it up.

the more important problem i've encountered with ray-traced shadows and blur is grain.  stewer, is there any chance of getting light shadow sample control, the way we have for AO, in SP1 - or SP 3 or 4 for that matter - or Pro?  if not, would it be possible (without revealing secrets or taking up tons of your time), to explain why this is difficult?