Klingon Programmer's Guide

1. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
2. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
3. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
4. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
5. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
6. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
7. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
8. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat'Leth contest. They will not trouble us again.
9. A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
10. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
11. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
12. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
13. Klingon programs don't do accounting. For that, you need a Ferengi.
14. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
15. Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
     

"Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H. L. Mencken