Quote - ...No cigs for the past 10 years.  

 

Teque

That's where you're going wrong.

It's your patriotic duty to smoke.  I believe everyone should smoke and I will encourage my children to do so as soon as possible.

Think about it...

Smokers contribute enormously to the economy.  Over here in the UK, cigarettes are one of the most heavily taxed things you can buy.  So, in addition to making a tidy profit for the tobacco companies, we are lining the coffers of our government to such an extent that - if everyone stopped smoking overnight - the economy would collapse.  Then there are all the small businesses who rely on selling cigarettes to get people through the door, all the warehouses, distributors, packaging and design companies, paper manufacturers and so on.  In fact, there's an entire industry based around making gadgets to light cigarettes.  

Smokers stimulate health care and research.  Since we are far more likely to develop serious, chronic and debilitating diseases, there are literally millions of pounds spent on research and development into curing said diseases.  Additionally, health care professionals get much hands on experience in dealing with us as we hack up that last piece of blackened, putrescent lung tissue.

Smokers contribute to crime reduction.  If every crimial in the world gave up smoking, they'd be able to run faster and continue their lives of crime for much longer.  As it is, since they can't run more than 10 yards without their lungs exploding, the cops have a much greater chance of catching 'em.  And, when you can't get out the house without a walking stick and an oxygen tank, you're hardly likely to be waiting in an alley to mug some innocent passer by. 

Insurance companies and pension schemes benefit enormously from smokers.  By dropping dead at ridiculously early ages, insurers can chisel thousands of pounds off their death payouts, in addition to hiking up their prices to astronomical levels in the first place for smokers.  Pension providers save millions by not paying out much - if anything - due to their smoking members kicking the bucket long before their payout is due.

Families benefit most of all.  When Uncle Jim pops his clogs at 55 instead of 98, he's saving the family the heartache, embarrasment and general inconvenience of seeing him turn into an incontinent raving lunatic who walks around with his knob out and throws poo at the walls/cat/kids.  They also don't have to bother with all that tedious business - and additional expense - of parcelling him off to a retirement home and the associated visits to said place, because he had the good grace to croak while he still remembered who he was.

So you see, smoking is good for everyone.  Light up today. :) 

Coppula eam se non posit acceptera jocularum.

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