I'm having trouble with the shadows the lights are casting. Softening the edges of the light was a good move but where is that hard edge shadow coming from?  Try this experiment: turn off "cast shadows" on the main room light or soften it even more than the spot lights.  The more distant light would cast a less defined shadow in real world. Remember all of this will lengthen the render times dramatically.  

I suggest turning on the lights one at a time to get the correct effect and shadow then move to the next light.  When you are satisfied, then set them all and render.  Be prepared to sleep all night while it renders.