Quote - As to the second question: It are the camera and the spotlight you will have to parent to the meshlight. If you do it the other way around (parent the meshlight to the camera or spotlight) Reality will not see the meshlight anymore.

To position your meshlight: Choose the parented camera or parented spotlight in the viewport, then go to your scene-tab, select the meshlight, go to the parameters tab and position the meshlight with the sliders.

You will see the cam or spot 'go with the meshlight' in your viewport, so you will be able to place it exactly right.

Hope this helps :)

This helps a lot!  It took me a minute to understand the mesh/cam parenting thing, but I agree this arrangement is better than remembering to unparent it every time.  Thanks!