Boy do you have my sympathy, suicide is such a waste and I can only begin to imagine the anger and helplessness it must cause.  As you can't really get into someone's head the question is often 'why'? as well.

 

I know that such wounds rarely heal but if we are lucky we learn to live with them a little better with time.  I wish you luck and I hope time is good to you. 

 

 

 

 

I use Poser 13 on Windows 11 - For Scene set up I use a Geekcom A5 -  Ryzen 9 5900HX, with 64 gig ram and 3 TB  storage, mini PC with final rendering done on normal sized desktop using an AMD Ryzen Threadipper 1950X CPU, Corsair Hydro H100i CPU cooler, 3XS EVGA GTX 1080i SC with 11g Ram, 4 X 16gig Corsair DDR4 Ram and a Corsair RM 100 PSU .   The desktop is in a remote location with rendering done via Queue Manager which gives me a clearer desktop and quieter computer room.