This reminds me of a former girlfriend. She was German but thought she spoke fluent English; I went along with this because... well, you all know why. Her English was generally pretty good.

But I became helpless with laughter one day when she described a kettle as a 'water cooking machine', which annoyed her considerably, and led to a massive argument. Some time later I went onto Google Translate fully expecting the English word 'kettle' to be something like 'wasserkuchenmaschine' in German, but it isn't: it's 'kessel'.

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