The more round shoulders look a lot better i think.

Here are some more suggestions:

• The outside of the shoulders seems a bit to bulky, i think.

• Maybe smooth out the waist a little other wise she might look to slim here compared to the rest of her.

• The collar bone seem to connect a bit to close to the shoulder.

• The wrist seems a bit to low, if you look at this reference image: Female anatomy Also the wrist seems a little to thin i think.

• The thumb might be a bit to short.

• The feet might be a bit to wide, if you compare they are almost as wide as her leg. If you look at the reference image above, they are slightly bigger than the calfs.

For the head and the stern look you could try something like this:

• Her cheek seems to be to sharp, if you compare the roundness of the girl and your model, Her cheek are much more smooth.

• The upper lips might help if they were a bit narrower in the horizontal and not as big as the lower lips.

• The chin might need to be more round as well and slightly shorter.

Anyway think it looks good overall, so these are just suggestions and also keep in mind that these are made based on your images so, maybe i got it wrong. :)