Hello... I'm pretty sure this is too late, but I didn't read the rules and I'm not actual sure if there are rules... If fact I'm not entirely sure what day or date it is or if this is a really boring hallucination or not... Most of my hallucinations involve killer robots and talking animals, so this might actually be real... Anyway, I just found this forum because I dropped my iPad into the bathroom wastebasket and while I was wiping off assorted dander, molted hairs and fragments of Kleenex, the combination of random swipes opened this page... After reading some of the post and or titles in this forum I got the impression that this was either a writer forum or a thinly disguised black market forum for selling contraband salamis made from endangered reptiles... I'm gonna go with the first one... I'm also not sure if this qualifies as a monologue, mainly because I never really paid attention in school and I suppose this is one of those instances where doing so may have helped... But what the hell, it's not like if I'm wrong anyone will die this time. I hope. Anyway... This is a short except from a long short story I wrote for one of my daughters last summer...

Admiral Woodsock was a short, fat, vaguely walrus-like hippo-man that looked like a malformed Ringo Star in a flamboyant Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band uniform. He was rather tall for his dumpiness, but in his neat purple satin uniform, his one remaining eye sparkled like a wet green Gummi-Blob that some small child had spit out onto the sidewalk after realizing it was lime and not some better tasting green flavor. Surly his other eye would have sparkled too, were it not in a jar in his underwear drawer back at his quarters, yet his determination showed as he made his way to the podium and faced the wrong way. Unfortunately his good eye was the one in the jar. A Hush fell on the crowd as he straightened himself and began to speak... "Rebel scum and Giant Blue Hamster People"... A long wooden stick came from off to the side and prodded him until he more or less faced the crowd... "For nearly a century our worlds have opposed the Evil Galactic Consortium™ and have paid dearly for our insolence and my inability to properly lead you and I commend you for your efforts and that nice sandwich I found on the table in back by the vending machines"... The mustard from the sandwich glistening on his Teddy Roosevelt mustache and various parts of his otherwise neat purple satin uniform. He flicked a piece of wet salami from between his large front teeth and continued... "But today I stand before you, not to convince you to embark on just another insane suicide mission as usual, but to inspire you to embark on an insane suicide mission like no other before... One so insane that if despite the incredibly high odds of it being a complete at total disaster like no other complete and total disaster before, if it were to succeed, it would change the course of history and the Evil Galactic Consortium™ would crumble like a stale slice of coffee cake on a hot summer morning".... A small dribble of drool escaped the corner of his mouth and dripped down his uniform and into one of the his front pockets as he thought about the coffee cake... "If this insane suicide mission succeeds, we can finally defeat the Consortium and no longer be rebel scum, but free scum and free giant blue hamster people"... The crowd of assorted rabble and rebels erupted in cheers. Even the Hush got up and began to flap it's paw-flippers in an attempt to clap like the rest. Woodsock cleared his throat and a half chewed anchovy escaped his gums and rolled out onto his otherwise neat but mustard and drool stained purple satin uniform. He continued, " For far too long our hit and run and attack and die tactics have fail to bring us the victories we need... Or any victories at all, but with this new information that hopefully we have interpreted properly, unlike last time... we can finally defeat the Consortium... once and for all and we can stop cowering in the shadows like frightened rodents... Well, except for the Frightened Cowering Rodent People of Varsacs nine... They can continue to cower in the shadows if they please... But freely... As free and proud Frightened Cowering Rodent People, free to cower in any shadows they please, whenever they want!" The crowd went wild and the applause was deafening. Even a Varsacian Rodent Person came out of the shadows to boldly applaud. The crowd hardly noticed as it died of fright and continued hooting, snorting and peeing enthusiastically in agreement with Woodsock's words. With all the cheering and peeing, I could see this was going to take a while until the crowd calmed down and Woodsock could continue. So I decided to take a bathroom break myself... but in an actual bathroom. I left the enthusiastic group of aliens to search for a restroom, which in an alien filled universe can be quite confusing and daunting considering how many different pictograms there are for bathroom and how many closely resemble for instance, mating rooms, snorgging chambers or suicide compactor booth symbols. I could see where some of the creatures who didn't actually pee in celebration, might just take that opportunity to relieve themselves while they had a chance instead of risking an embarrassing or fatal mistake misinterpreting a enigmatic pictogram.

Well, I hope nobody died because of this and I hope nobody felt I didn't explain enough or punctuate properly or was coherent enough. I don't believe in proper grammar or coherent thought structure... I believe writing should be like running naked through a summer field with a swarm of angry wasps chasing you... If you make it to the metaphorical lake and made your point, sure some who may have witnessed the event may be scared for life, but the point is you enjoyed the thrill of kicking the wasp's nest bare assed naked and running like a fool across a meadow pursued by murderous insects hell bent on stinging the crap out of you, who cares if it's public park... You ran the risk of getting stung... And I believe that's what writing is all about... Kicking wasps. Maybe that isn't the point... I forget... I've been stung by a lot of wasps and I think it's starting to effect me at this point. Anyway. That's what I decided to randomly contribute. Incidentally I have a fine Reticulated Python Sopressto sausage... it's not endangered, but if this isn't a writers forum, I'm just putting that out there.

Have a great day everyone.