Emily, look into my eyes. You are feeling very sleepy ... very, very sleepy ....

Are you asleep yet? No? Yes, you are, you're sound asleep. No backtalk, you.

Where was I? Oh, yes ... you're in your Happy Place now. You are calm and relaxed. When I count to five, you will awaken, feeling refreshed and lemony-scented. You will also cluck like a chicken whenever you hear the word "Legume."

One ... two ... three ....

• glances at clock *

Um, excuse me a moment, I'll be right back ....