hmm, what about "till dawn did steal the night"? shows that the dawn is a less friendly/caring entity. Takes seems rather abrupt, unless of course you want abrupt? The cadence of the poem is flowing, softly wondrous and yet bittersweet. When I read it aloud and put an emphasis on each phrase I can add a vocal sadness/accusatory intonation with "did steal" that is harder to do with the abruptnes of "did take". But, I'm not a writer of anykind or any stretch :) Just couldn't resist an opportunity to comment on such a lovely poem in the birthing.