I agree with nu-be, the "you don't see me" lines should be used sparingly. It took me a bit to realize that was a defense screen. At first, I thought the character was just a program, but then she starts talking a bit cheeky, so it through me for a loop. Maybe if you put that part in italics, it would help separate it out. The one thing I'd suggest is to change a few of your more "techy" paragraphs so they show more rather than throw information at us: Passive alerts are common on every system capable of supporting IC. They can be set off by almost anything, including power surges. If you're good, you create the surge yourself. Most ICE is dormant until triggered. That's what the white ghosts are for, the doormen, the triggers, the tunnels and gates. Motion detectors. Their effectiveness depends on both the programmer, and the ability of the hacker sneaking past it. More importantly, their effectiveness depends on the IC linked to it. Why not have her do something, such as send a small surge, and let us see the reaction, instead of telling us how a reaction would happen? You also have a few run on sentences and misplaced commas, here and there, but I'm sure you'd catch them when you're at the editing stage. I definitely enjoyed the story, and I think that it would work nicely as a longer story - perhaps about the job that sent her into the system, or part of a book. Cheers!