In the second stanza in the first two lines your focusing on the hills, on the last two lines your focusing on windows and then people. Try to imagine if this were a video and each time you changed the focus the picture changed. Your trying to hold a mood, which you do quite well for the first six lines the change in focus is like two rapid scene changes. In a quatrain this causes some confusion. I understand what you're trying to say but in this case I think maybe there should have been three quatrains to soften the transition and keep the mood. It's kinda like saying a reallllly slow opening but to curt an end to go with it.