I think with a little work your dreamer could wake to this poem. Don't work about the pink slips sinking your poem,just consider it a wip and tie it to your graphic...Maybe in three quatrains with a change in viewpoint from obseving the scene, to a feeling,to a memory. Its only a suggestion as rendered to blue said poetry is of the soul, not the ear. If the translation is hard. It could be because your soul is German. The words might have to be german too. Put on a little Wagner and go with it.