"A politician wants police to ban sweets in the shape of penises from Blackpool's seafront. Councillor Mary Smith says Blackpool should copy Southport and launch a crackdown on obscene confectionery sold in shops. Sweet shop bosses in Southport were furious after police ordered them to remove the rude sweets from public view. The manager of the Southport Rock Shop, who did not wish to be named, told the Blackpool Evening Gazette: "Two male officers came in here and ordered me to take all the rock willies out of the window. "They said the rock boobs could stay because they hadn't received any complaints about them." "I am absolutely fuming. I can't believe, with all the youth crime and shoplifting that goes on here, the police are choosing to spend their time worrying about rock willies." The Evening Gazette says several seafront shops in Blackpool sell the same saucy rock shapes. Councillor Smith is calling for the police to take the same stance as their Southport counterparts. She said: "These items are disgusting and give the town a bad image. Who wants to see this sort of thing when they are walking along the promenade with their children? It's OK for the stag and hen parties but it's putting the families off. "If the police can do this in Southport why can't they do it here? I have already spoken to the chief executive about this. If we have got to get a byelaw to do this then let's get one." If you outlaw candied penises, only outlaws will have candied penises. I have NO idea why I thought that fit here, but with all the dicking around lately in these forums, it seemed singularly appropriate...

"I am a good person now and it feels... well, pretty much the same as I felt before (except that the headaches have gone away now that I'm not wearing control top pantyhose on my head anymore)"

• Monkeysmell