Forum: Writers


Subject: One from me...

Hiram opened this issue on Dec 06, 2002 ยท 11 posts


jstro posted Fri, 06 December 2002 at 8:11 PM

No, the rhythm on that line is fine, four beats, just like the rest of the first lines. My struggle was more with context. I was not sure if it was a referance to the "Johnny-come-latley" gods eluded to in verse two, or if it refered to the season of winter itself. As in winter being new-born, pushing out the life of the three other seasons. Now that you mention it, line two does seem to be out of rhythm with the rest of the second lines, one beat longer. And the semicolons in the last verse seem to confuse me a bit. I'm not sure I see the relationships, at least not without haveing to chew on it a bit. jon

 
~jon
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