I rarely visit the Writers' Forum [pressure of time etc], and was somewhat surprised to find a piece of work of mine reproduced in its entirety here. I would never post another person's work in one of the forums without at the very least informing that person. Indeed, I would feel that it would be common courtesy to ask permission first. However, it may be that an old fogey like me is a little too concerned with good manners, so let that pass ...

I do remember the comment made by billy on my poem and brief discourse, and also the strong response of another commentator. I have to say here that I am interested in and appreciative of all comments on my pieces [and I'm confident that the vast majority of people who post in the Writer's Gallery share my view]. I never comment on comments - whether they contain 'praise or blame' - I take a somewhat Kiplingesque view and consider both as impostors. If advice is offered I will treat it seriously, consider it and if it advances the poetic voice I'm trying to develop I will use it if and when I decide to revise the piece. 

I'm far more concerned with the mis-direction this thread has taken, and the implication that it is the author's ego which is at issue here. I certainly don't seek 'pats on the back' and to imply such - even indirectly - is insulting in the extreme. 

It needs to be clearly stated that this was a dispute between a critic and another commentator, and thus DOES NOT INVOLVE THE AUTHOR IN ANY WAY. 

Finally, I have to say that if ever I decided to write a detailed analysis/critique on some piece of writing I would be prepared to receive comments to the contrary without complaint if only to demonstrate that is not critics who sometimes have the more sensitive egos.

Mike

I was delighted to be interviewed - though I have to say that I consider myself to be nothing more than a representative of the writers' community here on Renderosity. Any of the writers nominated would be worthy of the AOM title, and all deserve our plaudits.

Thanks again, my friends

Mike  

I like that Susi ... clever and witty ....

Not all hauntings are unpleasant or even unwelcome - my dead father was 'resurrected' nightly by my mother's wistful reminiscences.

  **REMEMBERING A MAN

I remember my mother
Remembering a man
who hullaballooed down hairpin-riddled hills
amid the war-free carefree days
in a red and rollicking rooster of a car
to the singing swaggering inns of peacetime Wales

Reminiscing … ah, yes:
Good night, God bless

I remember my mother
remembering a man
who framed a kiss-me face in miner’s hands
while fear-strained peace hopes upped and fled
and, tough and tender, wooed and wed his willing lass
in cool and calm cathedral mountain ferns

Reminiscing … Mmm, yes:
Good night, God bless.

I remember my mother
remembering a man
who, smiling, shoulder slung a sailor’s sack of hope
in the proud and patriotic duty days
to test his pit-man’s mettle on the sour and sullen seas,
and save his wife, his Wales****, his world.

Reminiscing … oh, yes:
Good night, God bless

I remember my mother
Remembering a man
who woke fear-slimed and shrieking from convoy dreams
in pitiful shore-leaves meant to heal
and in the screams of his sick and once-seen son
heard echoes of shipmates bright ablaze in icy seas.

Reminiscing … hell, yes:
Good night, God bless

I remember my mother
Remembering a man
who eased his guard in safe and sheltered sunlit seas
Caribbean cradled close by the shore;
who, laughing, failed to spot the lethal sharking shape
which smashed and shattered peace and skin and bone.**

**Reminiscing … finally, yes:
Good night, God bless.

I remember my mother
remembering a man:**

And I shall learn to love this man

Though speaking ‘father’ snags my tongue

And all his substance but a mother’s memory gift

Seeking a son’s echoes among the post-war prayers:

** **

Her imagery is my legacy, nevertheless:
Good night, God bless.

.........................................................

.... my father was one 'ghost' worth remembering, as is my late mother now....

Mike

** **

SHARDS IN HER EYES

In the briefest of glittering glances
I spy the shards in her eyes.

Crystalline inclusions in the ice-blue iris;
vitreous splinters
rip-reflecting, slash-refracting;
scatter spitting pyrotechnic slivers
of shattered psychic spectra
shredded sensations
and scattered semblances
of sybaritic reality.

Amid the debris of these clinical incisions:
reflected? yes refracted? yes
I perceive a passing glimpse
of reconstructed ancient cruelties
past born and present pressed
into servile slavery.
Her intent is cut glass clear.

In that mere second’s glance,
less any scintillating second chance,
there were shards in her eyes

and one of them was me.

Ah, right ... in that case the repetition may well work for you, indeed it's probably essential.

Been to view and left [hopefully] helpful comments.

You can use the little box to upload a cover picture if you have one [not more than 300 x 300 pixels]. A little tip: if you do upload a cover picture, and want the text to appear underneath it [rather than beside it], first hit the enter key about 20 times before uploading yout text. If it's not quite right you can rectify by adding or subtracting the line spacings after hitting the edit button.

Sweet memories and nostalgia are certain winners for me. "The ball I threw whilst playing in the park has not yet reached the ground" Dylan Thomas. Really, nicely written.

Thank you for your interesting story. "her silken trusses" - did you mean "tresses" ?

Congratulations most certainly.

I agree with Tien here: indeed I find it extremely difficult not to comment on something I've just read. FOR ME [and please note that part] it would be discourteous not to comment. For example, I know nothing of 3D art techniques - but I can say that I find a piece of work visually exciting, or moving or simply pretty. Similarly, even if I'm unsure of the nuances of a writer's work or the deepest meanings or the complex imagery, I can still say I like [or don't like] how it sounds. To use a Lancashire dialect phrase "owt's better than nowt" owt = ought [anything] : nowt = nought [nothing].

I agree - an excellent piece of writing.

"Very well educated" and "by no means low [class]" would almost certainly mean that there were very few remaining social / regional / dialect markers in the speech. Most likely the person would speak a 'standard' English with perhaps only minor identifiers in the production of vowels. I don't think you could show this in written form. It is only the 'common folk' who have different transcriptable linguistic structures and dialect patterns. In other words just make him speak normally!

Terrific job of work, dialyn. Must have quite some time to process - and the painstaking care you've taken shows. You have my complete admiration and thanks.

Nice one,dialyn ... nice one!