Hyria opened this issue on Jan 25, 2003 ยท 9 posts
Hyria posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:50 PM
I am posting one of my poems hope you all don't mind :) It is by no means means my first poem so if you are curious and might want more just say so :) A Faes Plea Cry me a river, oh my lady fair of golden droplets and whisps of vanilla air to weave through the crevices of my emerald banks thus from thou sweet, lily perfume I drank. For now I reside in silent despair my heart has been beaten and, ohh my wings I tear I have built my banks anew, a fresh river can flow the warm scent of primrose has healed my soul. So cry me a river, my lady sprite In its currents and falls we can play and swim all night. My wings have regrown, once again I have my magik now I burn like a candle and its wick. 2-18-2001
Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh
geoegress posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 5:55 PM
nice :)
mysteri posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:24 PM
Certainly don't mind. I take it that's why this forum is here. As a regularity freak, some of the rhythm changes bug me, but I'll leave the really technical analysis to tjames. The "Cry me a river" phrase struck me as trite off the top, but by the time I got to the second line, I was willing to stick with it. I really liked your first stanza. Strong sensory wording and imagery.
Hyria posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 6:44 PM
thnx :) I don't do technical poem writing most of mine are almost like this. it just comes out :) I just wanted to share a lil something else besides my art :)
Insanity is a waking state...Darkness is a being...Want To Play.........heheheheh
jstro posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:30 PM
Welcome. I'm no poet, so can't really critique it, but the imagery is strong. jon
~jon
My Blog - Mad
Utopia Writing in a new era.
Mechanismo posted Sat, 25 January 2003 at 7:41 PM
awwwwww very nice .... very sweet im pmressed!
tjames posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 4:53 AM
You should have stuck around in the writer's chat room and now for a really technical analysis...very nice.
Cerpher posted Sun, 26 January 2003 at 12:20 PM
I likes Hy. :) Don't get it. Of course. But I likes. :)
Crescent posted Tue, 28 January 2003 at 8:41 PM
I like the first stanza the best. The imagery with the golden drops and vanilla air really draws me into the poem. I'd prefer a little more regularity with the rhythm as well, especially since you set up the first verse so well. Thanks for sharing this. Now let's see some big, brave steps. ;-)