boodah30 opened this issue on Mar 07, 2003 ยท 3 posts
boodah30 posted Fri, 07 March 2003 at 10:00 PM
As the Sun begins to set relinquishing control of night. The birds fall to sleep, as the bats take to flight. When the Moon reaches climax the gates open wide. Nostrils flared, the Beast does arrive. With Earth shaking silence he pierces the night. Devouring all sounds, shadows, and light. He calls unto those whose souls are of steel. Calling to all running with the beasts in the field. With your fires and spirits burning on through the night. Live powerfully but peacefully.This and every life. Jeffrey B Torres Copyright 2003 Jeffrey Torres
Shoshanna posted Fri, 07 March 2003 at 11:34 PM
I like it, except for one thing the birds fall to sleep Might sound better as the birds fall asleep Just a suggestion Shanna :-)
Charmz posted Sat, 08 March 2003 at 7:34 AM
One more small point, relinquishing control of night.. how about relinquishing control to night? I like how the disjointedness drags you along in a rush. I got a sense of danger and almost thrill from this.