Sometimes in the dark hours of the night I reach for you. That space where you should be so cold and empty. Pillow not even creasedWith the weight of your head. Sheets not warmed by your heat. Silent tears of aching desire fall unheeded alone. Heart pulsing with want, need and sorrow. Sometimes in the dark hours of night I dream of you. The sticky sweet of your voice echoes in my ears. Your scent soft and musky dimly remembered. The taste of your salty skin on my lips. The velvet of your flesh touching mine. Sweet pleasure of two hearts becoming one. Sometimes in the dark hours of the night.

Hey Charmz, I'm really glad you are posting here, cos I like your stuff. This one really hooked me, because I could identify with the character, although not from the point they seem to be writing from (they have been left/have themselves left) I particularly like the 'sometimes' perspective, it gives me a sense that time has passed since they parted ways, and makes it wistful, I like my poetry to be wistful. Shutting up now. Shanna :-) who always wants more to read. wants more.

Anwer to Shanna, good Shabbat ! ...To sell it out, Shanna ? LOL, Sorry, I want to read more from you...LOL, interesting for the L.

Ditto on Shanna's comments. Very nice. Leaves me wondering if they split up, or if someone died. Both would result in the sense of loss. I think it's good that the question remains for the reader to ponder. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.

I like this one better. It's not so unpoetic as you may have thought.

I definitely prefer the open-ended nature of the poem. You do a good job of bringing in several of the senses, not just sight and sound.

I do have to quibble on one line:

That space where you should be so cold and empty.

really needs to be:

That space where you should be is so cold and empty.

The first version sounds like the missing person is supposed to be cold and empty. (Then again, maybe that's why they broke up ....) ;-)

Nicely done!