Charmz opened this issue on Mar 26, 2003 ยท 5 posts
Charmz posted Wed, 26 March 2003 at 7:41 AM
Susurrus of waves, Disillusioned with the shore, Returning to sea. Salt mist lies in scraps, Like ancient ragged shrouds, Upon marsh grasses. Footprints in the sand, Presumptuous and alien, Disturb perfection.
mysteri posted Wed, 26 March 2003 at 1:13 PM
Great stuff. Susurrus! What a way to start a poem. On first take, "Footprints in the sand" struck me as trite because of the poem of that title. But the next line countered that feeling completely.
Shoshanna posted Wed, 26 March 2003 at 9:28 PM
Charmz, With so few words, I don't know how you managed to paint such a massive picture in my mind. Shanna :-)
Charmz posted Thu, 27 March 2003 at 7:35 AM
Always striving to say more with less :D. Actually this is kind of a broken rule poem. It is three stanzas in Haiku form. I found I could paint a bit of the picture with one, but not convey the whole feeling of early morning on the beach.
A_ posted Thu, 27 March 2003 at 11:57 AM
A truely beautiful poem. I get a stomachache from this (no, it's a good sign). :)