Okay, I'm running a day or two behind on the promised critiques. What a shock! ;-}~

I know Shoshanna was looking for critiques as was jstro. Anyone else who wants critiques, or to give their critiques on the March Challenges, here's a good place for it. (If I don't scare everyone off with my opinions!)

jstro (story 1) - You do a good job setting up the scene and most of the characters with their actions. I think your story would be a lot stronger, though, if you wrote it more from the girl's perspective. I'm guessing that she's about 10 years old; she probably wouldn't use words like "green verge." (Or is it a regional word? I've never heard it before.) I want to know more about her since this conflict centers around her. Just give me a fed tidbits - when she looks at the candy, which pieces does she go after? Is she the caramel type, or pure, unadulterated chocolate? Does she politely take some of the generic stuff, or does she scoop up some of the treasured bite-sized candy bars and hope Ross likes the other stuff? We get an idea of Ross' character from his actions, so it's a shame she doesn't show as well. It's a few small details like this that would really add color to the vignette. I do like how the scene ends, not just the fact that an adult shows up, but that he grabs the hose, obstensibly to wash down windows.

Shoshanna (story 1) - I definitely got the wrong idea from the mother pulling something out of the cupboard and the husband getting upset about the "damned private toys!" We'll just leave it at that.

I hate to say it, but there were some punctation issues that made things confusing for me. (Chuck had pointed a big one out in an earlier post.) Also, the mother says something to Claire and she responds that she needs the Trolls to keep her company "when you are always away working." That sounds like something an adult woman would say to her husband, not her mother. It bothered me. The fact that the argument was over collectable Trolls was a humorous idea, and it definitely got points for being clever while sounding authentic. Fights can start over the strangest things.

Shoshanna (story 2) - I liked this one much better. The dialog was much more believable and the ending was humorous. For some reason, I imagined the people looking like the characters from the Gnome book put out a several years back. Being a stickler, I'm going to tsk on the punctuation again, but this time the errors didn't get in the way the story.

Shoshanna (story 3) - Very nicely done on the descriptions. I'm going to harp on the punctuation again, but the flow of the story is well done, and the writing is clear. You do slip and change the point of view between the husband and wife a few times - at one point in the same sentence, no less. (Boo! Hiss! Unless absolutely necessary, keep the same POV in the scene.) I'd suggest toning down one or two of your descriptions (e.g. her traitorous blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears, each withheld diamond drop a desperate plea for him to live) - with all the emotion already in the scene, descriptions like that can edge into maudlin.

The challenge entries were definitely a great read, and I look forward to seeing April's entries!