Forum: Writers


Subject: Poem - Untitled (as of yet)

Ianfe opened this issue on Jun 07, 2003 ยท 4 posts


Ianfe posted Sat, 07 June 2003 at 10:52 AM

Just sharing something that came to me yesterday in my marine biology class... "Untitled" Sing of submerged memories: when all the rivers have drained to the sea, and the dirt of our thoughts has washed to its bottom. Our lands and cities swept off with the dust. We stand adrift on sinking mountains, our foundations slowly eaten away. Thus, we race ourselves in a battle for summits, delaying the moment when we must fade. So our souls envy the birds of flight, and we shake our fists at their winged freedom. But we always fear the heights we face. So how can we ever hope of heaven? Sing to the swimmers, the strokes of souls, drowned or broken in maelstroms of failures. Or instead, make remembrance of lives well-lived to dim their firesin the waters of sleep. And sail, onward, to a vanishing horizon and hunt the breezes that would bring you ashore. I shall be there, friend, to greet you in its beaches. I shall be there, waiting for your return. Ian Brillembourg


Crescent posted Sun, 08 June 2003 at 10:52 AM

This is very bittersweet poem. I can't decide if you're trying to end the poem in a slightly more upbeat manner - do what you can before everything is gong - but it comes across with a soft melancholy that I like. Gee, my classes never inspired me this way. ;-)


MacD. posted Wed, 11 June 2003 at 11:11 AM

Outstanding poem. The last two lines in the third stanza are thought provoking and, to me atleast, inspiring. I seem to like those lines more and more each time I read them. You use the word "firesin" in the final line of the fourth stanza, what does that word mean? Excellent job. ~Mac D.


Ianfe posted Wed, 11 June 2003 at 1:48 PM

Err... actually, actually, that's a typo. It should read "fires in". Thanks for the comments!