You know you're sick when: The average TV show is intellectually challenging. Your cats are more active than you are. The only competition you can win is: "I'll see your coughing and raise you a fever." You call in sick and not only does your boss okay it, but begs you to stay home an extra day. People who've known you all your life don't recognize your voice over the phone. Double points if they don't recognize you in person. You wonder what foreign language channel you've stumbled on to, only to realize it's the news in your native language. After 10 minutes of staring at it. Your voice is mistaken for a recording of a bullfrog. Telemarketers appologize for disturbing you. The OT Forum starts to make sense.

Cabbage tastes good. Womens magazines are full of interesting articles. Cheesecake lacks appeal. You wish you owned a thermal vest. Shop assistants offer you glasses of water. Ambulances stop to offer you a lift. Kids cry then run off screaming when you answer the door on Halloween. You can't be bothered to turn your computer on.