Wrote this in a three minute rush... you know how it is sometimes. ;)

Ignorant

for the lives of eons untold,
And dusty creeds of broken spirits:
I revel in my ignorance,
and sweep the rush forward.
My breath is tainted,
broken, unfurled,
like speared souls on high city fences.
This gory truth spits on my face:
The light, it seems,
is guide to damned and saved.
What breaks them?
I do not know.
This unknown shepherd
will not come for me.

Ian F. Brillembourg

Interesting. "I do not know. This unknown shepherd" Seems to break the flow a bit.

perhaps this is better? What breaks them? I do not know. This unknown shepherd will not come for me.

It's great to see you back! I keep getting stuck on the last few lines as well. I love the first part, but I can't quite reconcile the last 4 lines. You might want to turn it into 3 stanzas, with the last 2 stanzas being the last 4 lines. (I think that's what you suggested above but I'm not sure.) It may sound quibbling, but should "This unknown shepherd" be "The unknown shepherd" instead? "This" makes it sound like there's more than one and you're pointing out a specific one, which seems strange since he's unknown. I wish I could be of more help but I can't put my finger on what doesn't fit on those last few lines. The first part is right on target, though. Cheers!

Hey, Crescent! Long time no see! Yeah, I see what you guys are saying. Basically what I'm trying to say is that whoever "breaks", or separates, the saved from the damned (the shepherd) has not come to the character in the poem, therefore he/she does not know which way he's headed. So, I guess it would go like this? Ignorant for the lives of eons untold, And dusty creeds of broken spirits: I revel in my ignorance, and sweep the rush forward. My breath is tainted, broken, unfurled, like speared souls on high city fences. This gory truth spits on my face: The light, it seems, is guide to damned and saved. What breaks them? I do not know. This unknown shepherd will not come for me.

Thanks for the comments, by the way

For the eons of lives who've left and nothing said. Dusty creeds upon broken spirts revel in ignorance. Crushed, swept, rushing forward, it's breath tainted, unfurled like the voices of speared souls upon high city fences. I cry out from the beyond this packed empty abyss. The light seems to be a guide for only the damn to be saved. What breaks them? I, do not know. As the truth drips from being spat upon my face. I have no sence of the unknown shepard calling upon me. Am I damned to be saved... NO, I shall join in the chorus of the dead to be laid.

I don't understand if you're following up on the idea, or trying to rephrase it. But whatever it is, I like it! Thanks!

Me neither? I do thank you, for your poem sparked me to write "something". Which I have not done for a while. Even if it was adding to your work. Just so I know is the "unknown shepard" meaning jesus christ.

No. Although I am of Catholic faith, this poem has nothing to do with my religious beliefs. At least, it's not meant to. you said: "your poem sparked me to write "something". Which I have not done for a while." I am flattered, all the same, by your comment. Thanks again.

It definitely sparks... I like the "The" and the break in the last couple of lines.

Hi Ian, I like this a lot. I've been pondering the meaning of 'break' here, and perhaps it will work better if you change it to: Who sorts them? I do not know. This unknown shepherd will not come for me. HTH, Tres

Fractals will always amaze me!

Thanks, Tres, I considered that change myself, but I feel that the word "break" HAS to be there. I can't explain it. It's just one of my things...

I completely understand, Ian. I liked the original myself, and didn't seem to stumble as others did. I was just offering a possibility. I truly enjoyed this piece. Tres :)

Fractals will always amaze me!

Thank you very much, Tres. Really appreciate your support.