Ianfe opened this issue on Jan 31, 2004 ยท 4 posts
Ianfe posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 2:27 PM
Hey guys, I wrote a poem for one of my images, I'd sure appreciate some comments, as it's not my usual style.
The link is
Is there....?
Thanks,
Ian
Ianfe posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 2:28 PM
...and please excuse the lack of punctuation in the earlier post... had some trouble with the HTML format
tjames posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 9:08 PM
In S2: "And so the stars, fly overhead like swarms of eagles, and leave the thought, our bows uncertain." how about: "And so the stars fly, Swarms of eagles, and leave the thought, our brows uncertain." Dropping the overhead improves the flow and bows just doesn't make any sense.
Ianfe posted Sat, 31 January 2004 at 11:47 PM
hey tjames, thanks for the comment and the suggestion. I'll certainly keep them in mind when enough time has passed. I usually don't touch anything I write for a week or two so I can be objective about it. Thanks again.