Hello, after 42 years of my life, and several poems written (and never published), for the first time I tried to make a poem in English, that is, in a language that is not my own. I really have no idea of how it may sound like to native English speakers. I hope it doesn't sound too funny. So I submit it to you, I would like to get your feedback on how does it sound like to you. I did not write this in English on purpose. it just came out like this. A musicality reason perhaps. Hope it does not sound too weird to your ears. The "kissing rhymes"... I know they may sound coarse, simplistic... they're intentional. I wanted to not sound like a real poem, but like some sort of weird rap lines... I wanted it to wander a bit, and the poetry to resurface at the end. Don't know if I succeeded at all. Anyway enough talk. Here's the poem. It is called "What's in a profile". Thanks in advance to those who'll offer their opinion and help. WHAT'S IN A PROFILE dishes clashing in the sink I know where you are, I don't know what you think what's in a profile that people defines? nothing existent: your mind and the lines. I draw your profile with my hands on your bosom I kiss your cheeck where my loving just blossoms You smile revealing what your profile denies, A glimpse from the corner of your emerald eyes. -- Orio

I love the image that creates in my mind...the tender moment over a mundane task. I'm not one of the poets around here so I can offer no advice. Thank you so much for posting.

bellissima. tu dici a me che sono una poetessa ma davvero, dovresti riservare il titolo a te stesso. Ha un dono che mi sconosciuto: la sintesi che nulla toglie all'ampiezza e profonditdel sentimento che ispirano le parole. Bellissima. (Sorry for the Italian writing.. I just expressed in more fitting words, that I could have never found in English the appreciation for the poem, praising the synthesis that mantains untouched the depth and evocation the words inspire.)

sconosciuto vederlo qui, Gallimel, ottiene pispesso

In the last line of the poem you wrote: "A glimpse from the corner of your emerald eyes." I think it improves the flow immensely if you shorten it to: " A glimpse from the corner of emerald eyes."