Recipe For A Heart Attack!
by Dr Geep **

Here's how to do it ... if you really want to have a heart attack, that is.

First, make sure you have a real small room without any ventilation where you work 18-20 hours per day.

Next, you need to smoke at least 2 packs of cigarettes each day. You don't need to actually smoke 'em but make sure you have one burning in the ashtray almost all the time. Gotta keep up that really cool atmosphere, ya know!

Never get more than 4-5 hours of sleep at any one time. Too much sleep and it takes too long for your brain to wake up and you'll lose productivity.

Oh, before I forget, drink at least 8-10 cups of coffee everyday. This is very important because you need to keep a really high level of caffeine in your system. This will insure that your blood vessels stay in a constricted condition and severely limit the blood flow to your extremities.

Cola drinks are good, too. Some of 'em might even have more caffeine than coffee. We don't want to shortchange our bodies on that poisonous caffeine now, do we?

Do you like chocolate? I do. It's great, and loaded with saturated fats which is exactly what we need to help plug up those arteries. That'll make the ole blood pump work harder for sure.

Make sure you don't walk too much. Walking is good exercise and we don't want to get too much of that. Of course, if you're sitting at a desk for 20 hours and then get 4 hours of sleep, that doesn't leave any time for walking anyway, does it?

Now, if you carefully follow the instructions, all you need to do is wait for about a year or so and one day ...

You will feel like you have some indigestion, you know, like a sour stomach.

EXCEPT, this time ... it gets worse and worse with each passing second and in less than two minutes ...

You are on the floor and paralyzed with pain.

It's really not all that bad though, you only suffer the intense pain for a couple of hours until (if you're lucky) the paramedics get enough morphine pumped into you to make you lose consciousness for 2 or 3 days.

Or, you die ... either way, the pain is gone. Problem solved.

Then, you get fixed. This is the really fun part.

They cut your chest open right down the center. Well, they have to do that to be able cut your rib cage in half and pry it open.

They only kept my rib cage pried open for about 6 hours so it wasn't too bad. Good old morphine, remember?

Oh, did I mention that they use your own body parts to do the repair work on your heart? Yeah, they rip, tear, extract, (you pick the verb) a vein from your leg to patch up (that's bypass) the plugged up vessels around your heart. They only needed to do seven bypasses on me.

Can you feel a red hot poker going straight down through your leg?

It's lots and lots of fun so if you want to have one, now you know how.

This recipe worked for me. Will it work for you? I don't know.

You could try it, but I wouldn't recommend it.

cheers,

dr geep <----------------------- still kickin' (Thanks to the Good LORD)

;=]
**

Remember ... "With Poser, all things are possible, and poseable!"

cheers,

dr geep ... :o]

edited 10/5/2019