Moses_Malone95 opened this issue on Jun 07, 2004 ยท 5 posts
Moses_Malone95 posted Mon, 07 June 2004 at 3:31 AM
Attached Link: http://www.geocities.com/mosespoetry/
Hey guys!I'm new to this website, and I'd love for you guys to check out my work. I'm a poet, but I've got too much work to post here (44 poems). But I have a website that has all of my work on it.
Thanks,
Moses
Message edited on: 06/07/2004 03:33
airlynx posted Mon, 07 June 2004 at 6:18 PM
Hmm, very emotional stuff. I see a lot of repetition in the themes, but very good writing.
tjames posted Wed, 09 June 2004 at 11:06 AM
I would make one suggestion break it up into shorter stanzas. If you want to build on a theme then occcasionally changing you cadence, putting a pause in, repeating, things like that add more tension. The stuff is emotional but take care not to lose your reader.
Charmz posted Thu, 10 June 2004 at 9:05 AM
While I like the theme of your poetry, and believe it a story that needs to be told, the constant rhyme drags me down and makes me want it to be over. I am not a professional just a reader and sometimes writer. Maybe try to insert some lines between the rhymes.
tjames posted Sat, 12 June 2004 at 8:54 AM
It's not so much the rhyme but perhaps the pacing is too constant and unchanging kind of like that 10th grade English teacher. Snnnnnzzzz.