Colette1 opened this issue on Sep 27, 2004 ยท 7 posts
Colette1 posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 11:13 AM
A Choice of Hymns ================= One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him." :)
draculaz posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 11:33 AM
lol
Quest posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 1:29 PM
ROFL! Thanks Colette.
chohole posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 2:09 PM
Quite cheered me up after a totally wasted Monday waiting around in a crown court to see if I would be selected for jury service today or not.
The greatest part of wisdom is learning to develop the ineffable genius of extracting the "neither here nor there" out of any situation...."
tjohn posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 2:20 PM
:^D True story I heard from a friend of mine at work that really happened at his church (and an excellent illustration that it's a good idea to think about the language you use in casual conversation). At Sunday night services, the pastor commonly asks for prayer requests from the congregation. One middle-aged lady stood up and said, "I'd like to ask the congregation to pray for me because I've been sick lately and haven't felt worth a sh*t all week..." She put her hand over her mouth and sat back down quickly, as her face turned a bright red. The rest of the congregation fought back the urge to laugh with varying amounts of success, as the pastor went on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The same friend was at a funeral service at the same church, when in a very quiet part of the ceremony someone's 4 year-old son loudly proclaimed in a sing-song manner, "Bor-ing, bor-ing, bor-ing!, embarassing his poor parents as they sunk down in their pew.
This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy
Quest posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 4:08 PM
ROFL, shakes head, you just can't make this stuff up! :)
Colette1 posted Mon, 27 September 2004 at 4:18 PM
I was in church as a 16 year old and the priest was giving his sermon. All through it a young child was crying. At the end of his sermon he thought the mike was off and as he walked away from the pulpit he said, "Mother, would you gag your child!" Because he thought the mike off, it came out quite loudly and most definitely clear. The young mother got up and left. I don't remember ever seeing her there again!