1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam. 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks? 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Damn I just hurt myself!! Those are great!

___
Ockham's razor- It's that simple

LOL these are hilarious! ... Here's one of my favorites: 24. Does tunafish + tunafish equal fournafish?

Lol, thanks for sharing these hilarious bits! Definitely a tonic for the Monday after our Holiday here.

An electroglyph post is a must to read...must remember no coffee whilst reading. Thankyou for the laugh.

The greatest part of wisdom is learning to develop  the ineffable genius of extracting the "neither here nor there" out of any situation...."

As to number 16.,............either that or they're looking for loopholes.

"Any club that would have me as a member is probably not worth joining" -Groucho Marx

and for number 11: 11 CAN'T be pronouced "onety one", 'cos that would make a nonsense of "eleventy one"... Cheers, Diolma :-))

As to #15: I've done the Telly Savalas thing for years. When I was in the Army, I asked what I should put down as hair color. The Sergeant Major told me my hair was brown. Who cared if my moustache was blonde? Of course, now it's all gray...

Well it's Tuesday morning here, weather is miserable and i have an appointment i would rather the devil have. The only thing that made me smile and laugh were these, thank you for bringing some brightness to my day.

Hey LunarTick! Where are ya? It's still Monday night (6pm) here and the weather is cold but clear.

FUNNY!! I needed that. As for 11... I always thought 100 should be Tenty. (seventy, eighty, ninety, tenty)

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Phillip Drawbridge
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LT is in Aus! Electro: Thanks for the laugh! Up until recently I'd only seen our Queen on postage stamps. When I actually met her, I didn't know whether to shake her hand or lick the back of her head........

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...

Well done Bryster. Who said us old buggers can't remember things ;)

LT: I did...!

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...

Lol at Bryster!

25. If cats like mice so much, why hasn't anyone invented mice flavoured cat food? Hey Bryster, we got the queen on our stamps too, and our coins. I bet she doesn't know her image spends a great deal of time less than an inch from my privates.

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"6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?" I prefer the term "dutchies" :P

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"19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?" they're here to help me! :P

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26. If antivirus programs hunt&destroy Trojans, how come no-one ever sued Norton for causing an unwanted pregnancy?

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