Forum: Writers


Subject: Script reading

ibassplayer205 opened this issue on Jan 09, 2005 ยท 3 posts


ibassplayer205 posted Sun, 09 January 2005 at 11:07 PM

Attached Link: http://www.sethkoberg.com/TheHit.zip

would anybody be interested in reading my FIRST SCREENPLAY EVER!? Its really short, about 11 pages long (just a short, indie film). My friends and I may produce it if we find the time (were college students). And if we do, would you guys be interested in seeing it? Its called, 'The Hit'. Youll have to read it to figure out what its about and the genre (sorry, its kinda hard to explain what its about and im having trouble fitting it into a genre, maybe drama) the link is to a ziped PDF file of the screenplay. I promise there are not viruses or anything hidden within. also, any comments or suggestions are welcome. Thanks

dialyn posted Mon, 10 January 2005 at 9:29 PM

First of all, because this is my refrain, anything you want to protect because you may publish in some form later on, you should not post on a website, any website. But I did download it and it does indeed not have any viruses. Except for some grammar and punctuation lapses, I enjoyed reading it very much. You avoided my pet peeve which is people that garbage up their dialogue with profanity to try to hid the fact that they have nothing to say. I'd say it was a fairly classic film noire, if I was the one to choose a genre for it. The only problem I have with this kind of storyline is that ultimately I'm a little dissatisfied not to know why what happened happened. I can speculate, based on the profession, but I might have liked something a little fuller. On the other hand, as I think about it, I supsect you didn't want to explain it so that it could be open to interpretation. I was interested enough to want to know more, and perhaps that's the most important part of this comment. And a screenplay is not a short story, and the actor adds dimension to the story. I'd be interested in seeing it just to see if that would fill in some mental blanks I have. Anyway, congratulations on writing and finishing. You've written one more screenplay than I have. :) I think you did a decent job with it...just needs to be edited a little. I'd be interested to read what others have to say.


ibassplayer205 posted Mon, 10 January 2005 at 10:38 PM

Thanks for the input dialyn. Kinda sad that im a college student and there are grammar and punctuation problems, isnt it? As far as the lenght goes, Im trying to figure out a way to increase it so the film can last longer than 10 minutes, up to an hour at least. Maybe answer that question about not knowing why what happend happened. I also share that pet peeve about the profanity. thanks again for your input