She waits because she has no choice.

She looks once again at her wristwatch,although she knows it will only show her what she already knows...He's late again.

Above her the rain starts to thrum.It's been raining all night,but now the wind has given it it's own strange dissonant percussion.Heavy beats...drumming...drumming...heavy upon her umbrella...and then back to the steady unrelenting onslaught.

Where is he?

Somewhere in the distance she hears the wail of a small child.Summer nights in the city never let you forget that humanity is just beyond you,in the dark.Normally she would find the reality of so many so close to be intrusive...and would complain about the endless noise of city life...but now,especially because she is alone,the sound comforts her.

Was I mistaken about the time?

Doubt starts to weave sticky tendrils around her thoughts.

Maybe I heard wrong.Maybe he meant 12pm...not 12am...But no.That doesn't make sense.He's always busy at noon...Maybe he's hurt...Maybe he's lying somewhere in a gutter with no one to help him...Maybe he's trying to call me...

She fumbles through her purse looking for her cellphone,praying for the message alert to be on it's screen.

But it's blank.

Disappointed,she puts it back and looks around.Except for the streetlamps,and their hazy circle of light,all is dark.The roads are empty.Not even the occasional car swishes by to make her feel less alone.

Why do I do this to myself?

She looks,yet again,at her watch...12:15...and wonders how much longer she can wait,how much longer she can take this,before she goes to ewww...'that' place...She hates 'that' place.It's the place that tells her she's a fool,that she asked for this,that something is wrong with her...It's her mother chiding her,and telling her what a disappointment she is,and why can't she find herself a good man and be like Jessica...it's her sister,Jessica,saying she knows someone for her,except she needs to 'fix' herself first...it's her ex,Josh,cuddling...no...face it...making it...with her best friend Samantha on their couch as she walks in...

Why?...Sigh...

Why? Why? Why?

Ughhhhhhh.

Steeling herself to the inevitable night of hating herself,she looks down the darkened street and begins to walk.There are no cabs at this hour of night,and she knows that.She has more than a few blocks to walk before she ever has hope of even seeing one.

Good.I deserve to be miserable.Forget that my shoes will be ruined...Forget that he said he loved them...Forget them...Forget him...

But she knew that was easier said than done.

And that bothered her most of all.

---

I know there are some problems with this...I don't like the way the rain is described...and I think the paragraph about her mom,etc. needs work...but I'd like to know what you think so far...

Is it any good?

First thing I've 'written' in 27 years...

Marlene <")

Marlene S. Piskin Photography
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"A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again." - Jay Leno