"As the holiday season truly begins, let us all be truely thankful for what we have..."

Let us celebrate the lives of those whom we love - and strive to be more loving towards everyone else...

Let's take this time to relax...To contemplate...and to recouperate a little from the trials and tribulations of everyday life...

When giving gifts - let's remember that "It's the thought that counts"...So it's safe to say that novelty items such as "Padro The Animatronic Talking Penis" might not go over so well with Grandma - unless she's a retired stripper, or an old pervo !

When hugging people - sometimes it's "ok" to squeeze their butt cheeks - provided that good first aid materials are readily available, should they get pissed and force feed you a broken chair leg...

My cousin Bob doesn't appreciate that too much...

Remember that setting fire to someone else's Christmas tree deliberately - does NOT constitute, under legal, terms a "holiday lighting"...

DO NOT call ANYONE of another religion an infidel over the holiday season - it's people who come over to your house and taint up your bathroom by leaving foul odors and sprinkling your toilet seat with used beer who are the freaking infidels!

Rememder that Christmas lighting is ONLY FOR FREAKING CHRISTMAS!!! Stop keeping that crap up all year long unless your planning on turning your house into either a salloon, or a make shift heliport...

Limit the amount of holiday lighting that you put on your homes - as causing blindness and madness is not "Spreading good cheer"...

Thank you - and happy holidays you evil turds...