electroglyph opened this issue on Jul 27, 2008 · 22 posts
electroglyph posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 7:15 AM
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive, so I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started. . . .
~~~~~~
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’
And then the fight started. . . .
~~~~~~
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked “Do you know her?”
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started. . . .
~~~~~~
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started. . . .
SndCastie posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 7:26 AM
ROFLMAO
Sandy
An imagination can create wonderful things
SndCastie's Little
Haven
bobbystahr posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 9:07 AM
Thanx for that...I needed a Sun. morning chuckle....LOL.. ...
Once
in a while I look around,
I see
a sound
and
try to write it down
Sometimes
they come out very soft
Tinkling light sound
The Sun comes up again
rstar posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 11:25 AM
Too much!
Hope you don't mind if I pass it along to some others that need a laugh!
sackrat posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 12:00 PM
My wife said she wanted me to take her someplace she had never been before, so I took her into the kitchen ! Hey,.........I know you're out there, I can here you breathing !
"Any club that would have me as a member is probably not worth joining" -Groucho Marx
AnnieD posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 12:28 PM
:m_laugh:
“For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.”
[Stuart Chase]
Quest posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 1:53 PM
ROFL...very funny stuff...thanks for the laughs!
johnyf posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 1:57 PM
rofl!
TheBryster posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 3:34 PM Forum Moderator
The barman said did I want something long and cold. I told him I was already married....
Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader
All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster
And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...
SndCastie posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 4:12 PM
Oh my God TB :m_laugh:
Sandy
An imagination can create wonderful things
SndCastie's Little
Haven
TheBryster posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 5:13 PM Forum Moderator
For a vacation I offered to take my wife camping. She said she'd tried it once but didn't like it.
For an evening out I suggested that my wife and I go to a rock concert. She said she'd tried it once and didn't like it.
We have one child.
(Sorry for jumping on this thread, but I couldn't resist.)
Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader
All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster
And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...
photostar posted Sun, 27 July 2008 at 5:22 PM
My neighbor asked for some advice with his marital problems, so I gave him my .38
electroglyph posted Mon, 28 July 2008 at 10:30 AM
This lady looks long and hard in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees.
”I feel horrible,” she tells the husband who is reading the newspapers. “I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
“Your eyesight's damn near perfect,” the husband says without looking up.
And then, the fight started.
TheBryster posted Mon, 28 July 2008 at 10:53 AM Forum Moderator
She said, "We've been married for 30 years. Let's cook a turkey to celebrate."
I said, " Why take it out on the turkey?"....and then fight started.
Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader
All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster
And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...
electroglyph posted Tue, 29 July 2008 at 10:05 AM
Dear, Doctor Phil says," To keep our marrage happy we should go out on weekly dates, just like we did when we were single."
Great Idea! why don't you go out Wednesday and I'll go out Friday!
.....And then, the fight started.
sackrat posted Tue, 29 July 2008 at 12:11 PM
My mom always said I should find a woman who likes to do what I do. It's hard to find a woman who likes to get drunk and chase women. With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over! My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
"Any club that would have me as a member is probably not worth joining" -Groucho Marx
AnnieD posted Tue, 29 July 2008 at 2:19 PM
:lol:
“For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.”
[Stuart Chase]
buckzero posted Wed, 30 July 2008 at 3:46 AM
:b_grin:
$0
photostar posted Sat, 02 August 2008 at 1:06 PM
Met a guy at the bar last week who was complaining about how much his wife is cheating on him. I told him, "It's the 21st century, so you just keep your wits about you and go out and do the exact same thing she's doing." "Yea," he replied, "but she's seeing another woman!"
Gog posted Fri, 15 August 2008 at 9:16 AM
Wife looked in the mirror and said I want to be 6 again.
Following day I took her to a theme park, put her on all the rides, bought her candy floss and a hot dog for lunch washed down with coke. On the way home I bought her a pizza, more coke and an ice cream, after all the stomache churning stuff she was looking a little ill, so I took her home,
'Well hun how does it feel it be 6 again?' I asked,
'I meant my dress size you moron......'
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TheBryster posted Fri, 15 August 2008 at 10:06 AM Forum Moderator
:lol:
Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader
All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster
And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...
FranOnTheEdge posted Mon, 29 September 2008 at 8:39 AM
:m_laugh: :lol: :m_laugh: :lol: :m_laugh: :lol: :m_laugh: :lol:
Measure
your mind's height
by the shade it casts.
Robert Browning (Paracelsus)