O.k. maybe they're not that funny - perhaps it would be more fun to figure out who said them???

"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made."

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."

"I drink therefore I am."

"History shall be kind to me. For I intend to write it."

"An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them."

Man you think those jokes were old? check out this site:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080731/lf_nm_life/britain_joke_dc
(also you can check your answers here )
 http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/nm/lf_nm_life/storytext/britain_joke_dc/28420241/SIG=10qqhrvtq/*http://www.dave-tv.co.uk