Got these in my mail today....

 

 

1. TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find   North America  . 

MARIA:         Here it  is. 

TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ? 

CLASS:         Maria.

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2.TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.

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3. TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 

GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER:  No, that's wrong 

GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I  Love this child) 

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4. TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 

DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER:   What are you talking about? 

DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  

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5. TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 

WINNIE:       Me!

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6. TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 

GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  

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7. TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  ' 

MILLIE:         I  is..

TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.' 

MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'    

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8 . TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  

                   Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 

LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand....    

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9. TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  

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9. TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your   brother's.. Did you copy his? 

CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.    

 

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 

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10.TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD:     A teacher

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All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...