Knot4u opened this issue on Sep 07, 2002 ยท 12 posts
Knot4u posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 12:05 AM
Geesh... as if all the post in the terragen gallery not enough. Now I am posting here as well.LOL.Almost put that comment in as the shortest horror story. Hope you enjoy this one and please feel free to comment. Confession Youre sitting there the forbidden fruit I the scoundrel, with desire to loot In my minds eye, I now can see Dreams and hopes for what could be Innocent smiles, are you even aware? Of just how much I truly care Crippled here by doubt and guilt The fear is buried up to the hilt Soft-spoken words are heaven sent Hearts transgressions,I should repent How wickedly fate does master Plunged head long towards disaster To deny the passion the greater sin So held here now, my thoughts within Placed with care so that you should see Hopes to win heart and soul for me
ChuckEvans posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 2:46 AM
OK, Knot...I'm gonna embarass myself AND you. In different ways. (1) I had to actually take a look to see if you were female...I see you have the same name as my father...and spelled the same way...with 2 Ns. Of course, there is Glen Close...hehe. SO, I may be stepping on it a bit here by calling you a guy. (2) But you write as I would expect a female to write. (3) Reading what I have of your poetry, you seem more female...that's a good thing. If you were a female, I'd love to embrace you...no prurient reasons...just to "feel" someome who has the feelings you display. Supposing you are male...you MUST have a mate (or else someone is missing the inside of you!). (4) Critique time...fair, right? (hehe) "The fear is buried up to the hilt" I would change to say... "The fear is buried to the hilt" Not sure why...I think it is a tempo thing. "How wickedly fate does master Plunged head long towards disaster" Not sure what to do here, but the rhythm seem to be interrupted. I have a thought, but it seems to be "trying" too hard. (5) Wish I had your talent. (6) Had a few beers tonight. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I bow my head To Knot4u. How's that? Hehe Cheers!
ChuckEvans posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 2:48 AM
All interested readers find the split infinitive in my post above. (ugh!)
Knot4u posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 8:38 AM
LOL... seems this is the second time this question has been asked of me. For the record.. I am male..and very heterosexual.. he he he..not that anyone was askin.. but seems I read something about embracing, and you know us natural born homophobes.
Knot4u posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 8:46 AM
Oh yeah ... thanks for the comments Chuck.. we will just chock the gender thing up to the beer. I was unsure about the " up to the hilt" vs " to the hilt" myself as well. Both seemed to convey the feeling I wanted
tresamie posted Sat, 07 September 2002 at 6:49 PM
Interesting, I don't get the feeling of 'female' from this at all. This sort of reminds me of those guys that put up signboards proposing to their girlfriends! I wonder, did the technique work? I think Chuck may have found the solution to the extra syllable in fear sentence. PS: Chuck....'I had to ACTUALLY take.... LOL tsk tsk :)
Fractals will always amaze me!
tjames posted Mon, 09 September 2002 at 8:12 AM
Try it to rap a little syncopation please.....
Knot4u posted Mon, 09 September 2002 at 9:33 PM
Sorry Tjames.. not often I say this.. but I havent a clue what the heck you saying?? My accent is just fine as the southern draw that it is.. and well.. as I have posted this to the community .. as they say in show business..thats a rap. hmmm could this have been the obscure meaning in your comments.. or did I by chance miss some literary insight that was veiled there ?
tjames posted Tue, 10 September 2002 at 7:41 AM
I think with a more complicated beat say a 8:1 or a 15:2 it wouldn't sound too bad. Put a little feather duster workin the drums and it wouldn't be bad at all and in show business when a film is done it's in the can. When a session is done its a wrap.
ChuckEvans posted Tue, 10 September 2002 at 7:51 AM
Yeah, and like the B-52s said in their song, "Tin Roof!"
Crescent posted Tue, 10 September 2002 at 8:11 PM
I'm assuming you're human, that's as far as I'll go .... ;-) I have to admit, I didn't understand what you were trying to convey in the poem. The stanzas were well done on a technical level, but I'm sitting here wondering if it's sleep deprivation or idiocy on my part that is blocking the meaning. I think stanza three is what really lost me: Soft-spoken words are heaven sent Hearts transgressions,I should repent How wickedly fate does master Plunged head long towards disaster Is this a "love 'em and leave 'em" type who found someone they want to marry? Is this someone who is trying to decide between wooing and robbing that forbidden fruit? Everyone else seems to understand your poem, so I get to be the obligatory village idiot here. (Every village has to have one.) My personal opinion - which is probably wrong - is that you need to be a little more explicit for us single digit IQ types. Again, on a technical level, your skill blows me away, and I've really enjoyed your poems so far. I even enjoyed this one, even though I'm scratching my head in confusion. Cheers!
Knot4u posted Wed, 11 September 2002 at 9:14 PM
LOL.. well... the human part has been debated...but as I dont much talk to my ex now it isnt an issue. LOL I wonder how many did get what the poem meant to me when I was writing it. Well I will let you know but via email. Not that it is a secret but more because I like to imagine that my words stir some emotion and or feelings when read and if I go saying what they meant to me the reader is likely to search for my feelings not let the words stir their own.