This is something I drew on a day where I wasn't feeling so good... feeling alot of things I'm afraid to say... its not completely done... but I just don't have the strength to finish it... My past... its something that hurts me to remember... because I'm afraid the joy I felt is gone forever... but its also something I can't forget... because its so important... so special to me... its something I hope for everyday... I know that alot of people are probably sick of my sadness... but those who have never felt this way don't understand... they can never understand... depression... its not something that can just.. go away... it takes time... and hurt... and fear... and all of your strength... its something you can't just forget and move on... or something you can just... make go away... its apart of you everyday... tearing at your soul and you have to be strong enough to fight back... sometimes I'm not strong enough... sometimes I feel like I can do anything... sometimes I sit and cry... hot tears streaming down my face... wondering what I have done to make God hate me so much... to make Him do this to me... hurt me like this... but I always hide it from my family and friends... afraid they will put me back in the hospital... I'm trying to be strong with everything in me... and I'm sorry... that I can't just... be better... but when you have felt the way I have... wondering the point in life... feeling so empty inside you're sure that darkness is dwelling within... waiting for the right moment to take you over... when you feel faceless... soulless.... completely unspecial... numb... forgotten... and you start to believe... that if you were gone that everyone would just forget you ever existed... because nothing you did was special and good enough to remember... or because you caused so much pain... so much more than you ever caused joy... and you cry... cry until your face is flushed and your pillow is soaked with salty tears... you cry because you don't know if you can take the pain you feel anymore... and because you have no one to turn to... because you don't want to scare your parents... and you don't want to bother your friends... and you are sure they are so sick of hearing that you are sad and they don't want to talk about it anymore... and so you feel alone.. just like you used to... and everyday is a constant battle... not to think of death... not to want to die... some days you lose and some days you win... but you are always fighting... and no matter how I explain this... the people that have never been here just don't understand... because their mind doesn't work like ours... they think we should just be able to get better... leave it in the past and never talk about it again... but I know... that if they could understand... spend one day in my mind... they would understand... they would care more... stand beside me... but they can't be in my mind... they can't see why I'm so bad... so sad... they can't see how I feel about myself.. how I worry that I'm doing more bad than good.. how I feel like I'm so easily forgotten... how I feel so many other things that I'm afraid to say... afraid to feel... because I don't want to lose the people I love... and my doctor says I need to say how I feel... get it out so I don't hold it all inside like I used to... and end up like I was... alone.. shut off from the world... in the hospital... not allowed to have even a pencil... but I'm afraid to say how I feel... to say everything I feel... I don't want to be thought crazy... i'm not... even if I feel it sometimes... and I don't want the people around me to hate me and be mad at me... because I'm not better yet... I'm sorry... I am telling you this... because its the inspiration for my picture... the words say 'You don't want me anymore... I don't want me either...'... I hope you like it... the picture I mean lol.. I don't expect you to like the inspiration :)... PM if you want... Thanks to every one... :) Have a great day... K