WAX?!?! (WARNING - SEMI-ADULT-THEMED STORY) by shaybear
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Description
Like most women, I have tried all kinds of hair removal methods that have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner,play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; um...i mean the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. You know, the ones where you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm - and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. The instructions say to rub them together, but I go one better!! I get out the hair dryer and heat the S.O.B. up to 1000 degrees!! Cold wax my ass! (Oh how this phrase will come back to haunt me!)So in my infinite wisdom, I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK... so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!With the next wax strip,I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom - for the "ULTIMATE" hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure as before, I apply the was strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a LONG strip...) I inhale deeply and brace myself.** RRRRIIIPPP!!!!**I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of
the strip. Looking at the ceiling in terror, I silently scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bracing myself, and fighting back the tears, I take Another deep breath and **RRIIPP**!!. Everything around me now appears swirly and tye-dyed. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! And, God help me, there's no hair on it.Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on the strip. In terror, I reach down and .... I am touching wax. Oh MY God, You have GOT to be joking!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and melted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember now, that my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.Oh my God In one horrendous moment, I am now the incredible mutating woman!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut.I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "I sure hope I don't have to crap anytime soon...My head just may well pop right off" Frantically I try to come up with a solution.... HOT WATER! Hot water melts wax!!
If I run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, and immerse the wax covered bits - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? WRONG!
- continued below -
Comments (20)
shaybear
(continued) I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - and I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your goodies glued together... is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.In scalding hot water, no less. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, We'll call her "C" (hell no point in embarassing HER too ...) thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.Now, just for future reference, it's NEVER a good idea to start a conversation with: "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH Right! Like at this point, I REALLY need to be butt of the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. WOW!!! Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in superhot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! Uggg.By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point??I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids,and scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care."IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......
shaybear
(no that did not happen to me lol i heard it from a girlfriend hahaha and i thought it was jUST TOO DANGED FUNNY not to share :) )
Mint3D
OMG this should be in horror section, actually its very funny but thinking yourself at her place really gives creeps. I love your render its beautiful regardless the story :)
DarkStarBurning
This actually had me crying with laughter.. having been a victim to the dreaded wax strips, this rang loud and very painful bells. Marvellous lol
jhustead
Oh Lord I'm glad I'm not a woman! Really funny story though.
twingo
Excellent image and a great novel to read, what more can you ask for. Great job and great story.
Stephaney70
ROTFLMAO.. Been there done that, but not to the extreme she did. Now, I schedule an appointment to get waxed.. Thanks for the laugh..
ericfarris
Excellent image!! Beautiful tones and excellent expression!!! Excellent work!!! I will read the text next 'cause it's not easy for me (lol) - EXCELLENT
MadALyice
OMG that was the funniest story I ever heard!! Thanks for the laugh I really needed it today ;-) Huggles!!! Great illustration too ;-)
fastburn
I think i'll be laughing to myself over this one for months!! That is the funniest thing i have ever heard!! Thanks for painting such a vivid picture with your words!! LOL!..Excellent work!
GRiMAge
ROFL!!!! Odissey is nothing on compare!!! Thank you for sharing - too bad i scared my cats laughing! LOL!
Black_Fingernails
LMAO!! Too funny chicka!
macrey18
excellent and wild story
precious_dragon23
oh my god!!!!!! ill be laughing for weeks!! i guess i know not to try that wax stuff though... ;) excellent render by the way!
Mea
That was hillarous. I'm sorry for your experience, but damn... that story was funny.
Danceswithroos
And they say women are the weaker sex. You have to be joking!! Too funny and sad and scary!!!
papachile
I heard that story!!! LOL! Funny stuff, awesome humor and well represented here!!!
Bobbie25
rotflmao LMAO OMG lol hehehehehehe It was not me
Axeye
Whew! I can't imagine this happening to anyone, but it certainly was a horrible experience! You explained it beautifully and I do love your image too!!! I suggest shaving, it's a slight bit less dangerous!!! LOL Excellent story and image!!!
Nuria
The image is excellent but it overcomes it the history that is dramatic and so real as the same life.