BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
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Comments (5)
unike
Maybe you're right but there is more than the rain!! I can't guess why you feel living an empty life that seems not belonging to you...? And, yes, the hope is tha last to die!!! "The treasures you are looking for are within you"!!!
mumbocat
How wonderfully overdramatic. :)
Synapse
What constitutes "real" though? "Real" is a bunch of subjective opinions from society - and they shouldn't be able to dictate what you do with your life. You are your own man. We make more marks on the world - and good ones - than we can ever believe, simply by existing, being part of the whole. Have to agree with unike, the treasures are literally within you, they are right under your nose, believe me. Do you have any idea of the strength so many of your fellow R'osity members see in you? And that's no false impression. This image of you shows so much of that strength. You're reading this from someone who's been down on himself for years and is only now realising how mistaken he's been all this time. Shit can stick, as you say: and after a point someone can no longer see themselves as the diamond they are, they can only smell shit. But the shit is not you. You have to realise that it is not you. I've read your articles. Things have happened, terrible things. But the you underneath is unchanged and believe me when I say there's as much potential as there ever was, more than you can imagine - the trick is coming to wake up and really realise this (and not just dismiss someone waffling to you like this as a load of BS!)
A_
what an excellent piece. i love the pose and those blank-black eyes. the composition is excellent. i don't think rain can ever wash this away.
AnnaDenise
I love this image, so you can throw it against my wall, if you like!