JUST A KISS by FallenAngelLPN
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Description
Soft
Comments (7)
drace68
"More!" "More!" We want more. Thanks for taking us along. That's what weekends are for. Weekends, week beginnings - anytime. But do try and see what happens if you leave out the words "me" and "my." There is one place you'll want to add "the" for the deleted pronoun. I think it wraps us tighter into your stream of consciousness if you make these small changes. Dick
FallenAngelLPN
@drace68 :thank you for the advice...however, those who know me here (been posting for what will be a year next month) know I post w/out regard to grammer or format...just write what/how I feel at the time...no editing...more natural and true for me....but Thank you, no sarcasm intended.--Ginny
micsteel
I don't see what drace was talking about; it takes away the intimacy of the poem, and that's what kisses are all about! I might title this "Flower Petals" for the delicacy and sweetness of each phrase!
SusiQ
If you use the technique that Dick was talking about it makes the poem compact and as you read it, it becomes a poem for everyone and not just the writer. But I can totally understand about just writing without thought for grammer and technique. Emotions can be left raw and unedited to give you the complete effect it has on one. And it is personal, these kisses were happening to you personally. Cute little poem with intense emotion.
leanndra
Ginny, beautiful prose! A wonderful and heartfelt writing. Reading the other comments then going back and rereading your prose with those words in place of me and my, had the opposite effect to me. Using the word, 'the' in those places made the writing seem less personal, more sterile, if you get my meaning, and I am sure you do. Those of us who do emotional writing, I think, tend not to care about the format or grammar. When I write, it is a part of me I am sharing, a specific event or events and their impact on my life. I also write so that others hopefully will think about actions and the effects those actions can have on others, sometimes for a lifetime. You do the same, your writing is superb girlfriend! Leann
mamabobbijo
New to the site. Didn't know there were writers. Found yoy by accident last night. Old lady so my son showed me how to navigate somewhat. Loved the poem.
btm1228
This is what lead me to have my third child on the way. Wonderful poem!!!