BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
Comments (6)
ARTWITHIN
All I know, from personal experience, is that you cannot begin to live until you forgive others and yourself. Then it is possible to help another person in need, homeless, ill, abused, hungry, anyone in need of compassion and help. Then you become part of the solution instead of part of the problem. It is up to you. It would be interesting to see how your art would change. Question: Is this game the way you control?
Zarat
Hmm. The question for control is the answer I would say. If one takes control while being busy with other stuff, past or present doesn't matter, it will end in more chaos... Instead of trying to control something it is easier to adapt to situations. control about life is always more illusionary as there are so damn many factors that are just out of anyone's control but important for what happens in your life. - I still stick to what I said already: take your chance if it is within range, but otherwise sit back and try to keep cool. "Cool" means not being blinded by hate for example. But... You should never blame yourself for anything. It is a good thing to try not to blame others and it's also a big effort sometimes. And for fucks sake, better "run away" if you can not stand something than destroying yourself by trying to stand it. While away, you may find an approach that works better for your situation. The environment often is a big factor among the things that keep people from changing something bigger in their lifes. Anyways, hugs and V Chris.
Synapse
Agree with all the above, it's your decision. And your life is not wasted, you're still very young and life can progress and open new doors if you allow yourself to open up to the potential for change. I have to say I like this image Yo, a lot.
xcentricity
Sometimes it seems that the world is closing in around you. What can you do to stop it? Can it be stopped? Is it in your power to make it stop? Is it your fault that it is happening to you? Has everyone simply closed thier eyes to your you and your problems? If you scream will it stop? Will anyone hear it? Will anyone care if they do? We all mill around everyday like ants with a purpose and a direction but no free thought. In this process we tend to not see what is going on around us everyday, every moment. We have forgotten many of those who are left behind and we simply move on with our lives and do our best to close our eyes to the attrocity that this lifestyle seems to create. OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND SEE WHAT HELL IS, IT SURROUNDS YOU EVERYWHERE THAT YOU GO! GREAT IMAGE!
6T6
I can't help wondering, the guys who tortured the homeless man,.......who do they blame?
dragonfly2000
Rather than deal directly with the above as this venue is inadequate to meaningful response - as it might possibly be in a gallery or over coffee situation.... So few who post here have anything to say that work like this just smacks one in the face. EXCEPTIONAL.