The Hostie Once upon a chatroom dreary, while I typed, eyes red and bleary Over many a weird and wonderous IMs galore While I nodded, music rapping, suddenly there came a zapping As of someone rudely tapping, tapping at the chatroom door "Tis some Pagan," that I muttered, "tapping at the chatroom door" Only this, and nothing more Ah, indistinctly - I don't remember - is it June or is December? And each separate, dirty dish thrown upon the floor Eagarly I wished the download finished, mp3's their files diminished From my speakers surcease of music - need some more! Of rare and classic Depeche Mode - whom the young folks call a bore!! Which ticked me off for evermore And the silly server's blurting, "disconnect", it seems most certain Thrilled me - filled me with frustration often felt before So that now, to stop my 'puter's beeping, I sat there now,kept repeating "Tis some hacker hacking at the chatroom door Some late hacker hacking at the chatroom door - This is it, and nothing more!" Presently, the noise grew stronger, seems that they can't wait much longer "Dude,"said I, " or Lady, truly chill I implore! Cause the fact is I was chatting, when you came on loudly rapping And so loudly you came tapping, tapping at the chatroom door That I almost iggied - thinking you were just some bore!" No AV - nothing more!! Deep into that screen I'm a peering, long sat there, wondering, fearing Typing words no chatterer typed before But the blank spots were unbroken, chatroom dopers kept on smoking Coughing, laughing, they're a croakin "smoke some more!" This they typed, then lagged kicked in..."smoke some more!" Merely this, and nothing more! Drinking coffee, stomach churning, my cigarette still slowly burning Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before "Must," said I, "be cybering offered gratis Someone, then, perhaps a sad-ist, pinging at my modem's core - Fingers still a moment - pinging at my modem's core!!?? Nah! Just some Net noise - nothing more!" Clicking refresh with a mutter, when poofing into all the clutter In there floated a stately Hostie of hellish vp days of yore Not the least excuse made she, not an "mm" or "hi" said she But, was quiet was the Hostie, perched above the chatroom's door Perched, and sat, and nothing more! But her AV was beguiling and soon I got around to smiling At the almost naked body that she wore "Though your AV's really sexy, you," I said, "have typed no texty Ghostly Hostie, you're the Mostie, dropping in when I got bored Tell me what your nickname is cause I am bored" Quote the Hostie "Chat no more!" Surprised, my lips curled most ungainly, to see a Host type these words so plainly To almost have my ass clean booted out the door!! Cause I'd been good and caused no fighting, upon no AVs came a-lighting To cause a Hostie to perch above the chatroom door Hellish eyes glancing from above the chatroom door To type at me "Chat no more!!" But the Hostie, looking lonely, in the corner typed just only Those three words, as if her soul in those three words she did outpour Nothing further then she she uttered - although some curses perhaps she muttered Though I sqeeked "You let others get away with more!!" Thinking then she'd leave - cause others got away with more Then the Hostie typed "Chat no more!!" Freaked by this - almost broken - about to cry, almost choking "Doubtless" said I, "she's just a joking, sitting there above the door I'll sit here - I'll outlast her - then she'll see that I'm the master!" Buts thoughts whirled on, whirling faster - wondering what was next in store - Till Gothic font appeared - 30 points or more Printing "Chat no more!!" She changed her AV - even more beguiling - as I sat there, drooling, crying Moving mine below, beside, above the chatroom door Cursor on the "Send Message" clicking, eyes upon her boobies sticking Thinking, thinking what to type to this sensual, hellish Host of yore And again she typed "Chat no more!!" So I sat there full of guessing, seeing that I'm not impressing This sexy, grim, ghastly, gaunt and ominous Host of yore "No more of this," I started whining, with head on keyboard now reclining As wicked Hostie eyes flashed fires of hell and upon my words gloat o'er Whose fiendish hands typed grim words yet a' more Typed the Hostie "Chat no more!!" But no one else there seemed to sense her, though the Avs grew more denser As thumpers, wiccans, vamps and plain-weird Pagans floated through the door "Host!" I cried, "Did the Techies send thee" - by their proggies they did arm thee? To boot my little av flying out the chatroom door? To, oh toss, this bony ass out of the Pagan chatroom door!!??" Ouote the Hostie "Chat no more!!" "Hostie!" said I, "I'm on the level - you're a volunteer but still a devil! Were you Help Desk sent or just came here cause you were bored??? To Pagan chat you came unwanted - your powers here you started flaunting On this inflamed brain by Hostie haunted - tell me truly I implore!!" Qouth the Hostie "Chat no more!!" "Hostie!" said I, "Maybe you're a fundie! - omg! - it is a Sunday! Sent by right-wing fanatics that I abhore Or are you really Jerry Springer - to spy on us - a Pagan ringer? To talk about us Pagans on tv from shore to shore!!?? Cutting, pasting words for zombies shore to shore!!??" Quoth the Hostie "Chat no more!!" "By these words, we should be parting!!" I'm shrieking now, almost farting - Get thee back to the Help desk or the teen-rooms' darkest shores!! Don't leave your AV as a token or any trace that you have spoken Leave my loneliness unbroken - take your bust from top the door!!" Quote the Hostie "Chat no more!!" And the Hostie, still awfully quiet, with me below, thinking perhaps a riot Would get those juicy - er - ghastly boobs to leave from up atop the door With her eyes brightly gleaming from cruelish thoughts they are a beaming From probably seeing me in foetal position on the floor She said "Oh! Sorry, Earth! I didn't see you! I'm so tired, I just can't chat no more!" At which point, I booted my own ass out the Pagan chatroom door!! Raymond Owens copyright 2002 Based on Edgar Allan Poe's work: The Raven ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~