Note: These are not real letters, and there is no Bob. Dear Bob, It's swarm season again around here, and no matter how tight we seal up the windows, they just keep coming. Little black phantoms that somehow hit every reflective surface in the house, particularly those that light up. TV's, lamps, windows, computer monitors. And you can't imagine how annoying it is to be sitting, setting a mood with just one little lamp on your table with your computer on, and getting your groove goin' when it comes to writing, and finally having ideas, and typing and in a total state of euphoric creative bliss when suddenly you hear an insanely loud THWACK. And then you look to see what the hell just THWACKed your monitor and you see this little...black little...thing...wobbling on your desk, on its back, wiggling its stupid little damn legs around like a turtle upturned on its shell. And then it tries to take flight again, but only ends up spinning in an insane circle and somehow getting a few inches off the desk to only THWACK your monitor again and land on it's back once more. And then, when you try to be nice and pick it up to let it outside, it BITES you. And it really hurts. So you throw it out the door and it's peace at last!! And then you go back to your office, sit down, start typing again, and then all of a sudden there's another THWACK on your monitor. And you see - you guessed it - another beetle, wobbling its stupid little legs and looking like a complete assmonkey. I use the term "assmonkey" affectionately, do take note, since there are plenty of other things that come to mind when I think of the small, swarming, black, six-legged creatures that attack my computer monitor. On the bright side though, at least they enjoy my book. Maybe that's it. Maybe they're just fans of mine, and they want to sneak a glimpse at the highly anticipated works. At least this isn't as eventful as my llama stalker. Can you imagine how horrified I was to see a llama outside my bedroom window, wearing a black ski mask and watching me undress? Thank God that the donkey bodyguard helped me with that. It was almost getting to be too much for me to - [THWACK] ...Damn...stupid little...gah... Anyway, Bob, I hope your weekend is as exciting as mine has been. Cheers, mate! -Summer