BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
Comments (6)
ARTWITHIN
Wonderful image of your reflective, thoughful self. I like the B&W as it gives power to the image. Yo, you have opened up here, you have received acceptance and understanding. There are people all around you who would "be there" or 'be here' for you as a friend. So what is the point of setting up a false identity elsewhere? However, friendship is a two way street, an exchange between people. I see your paintings of your friends, but I never see you interact here. Now, myspace? A false identity? I will be interested in seeing if you find something satisfying there, something real, honest, accepting of the truth, accepting of the real you. Of course, I speak generically too. Living a fantasy life won't shield from pain. Whatever 'life' is created, some aspect is always vulnerable to being hurt, rejected, found out. Learning to interact in truth with friends to support one's growth through experiences is the only authentic friendship, and a powerful path to healing and maturity. That builds strength. Living honestly in our relationships makes us vulnerable. Ultimately, those who relate with honest openness can have the satisfaction of being "real people" with true compassion, respect and love for others. That is a part of happiness. A friend x:)
A_
wonderful POV. :) love the detailing of the clothes. and i don't know about myspace or anything else, and i would not presume to say that me leaving comments on your work makes s us friends... but you have left your mark on me, i mean this with all my heart. if that's not a sign of existence, i don't know what is.
mooreno
Your a great artist. Bur I was right. Goodby
SPIRESMEDIA
brilliant work....i can DEFINITELY relate! ;o)
SoulSearcherr
it is easy to hide in this world of behind the screen....it is only satisfying to a certain degree..then it gets strange..trust me..lol....now..your work is incredible..I truly love it..it is soooooooo in your face...this point of view is rockin..they way I like to take shots..but not easy to do..love it..S
SSoffia
Y SI……….. SIEMPRE ES ASI NOS ENCEÑAN A FINGIR INVENTAR SOCIEDAD JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Cuando se es idealista se sufre y se vive en dolor Cuando se es sensible DEMACIADO Nadie entiende Y asi puedo seguir y no termino Nunca se conoce a nadie Es raro Mas es verdad ……………………