Goldilocks by mlevans
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Just thought I'd try my hand at something different...well, okay...someone else thought I should try my hand at it. Anyway here it is. With heart in hand, I present:
The Story of Goldilocks, the Better Living Housewife
Once upon a time there were three bears who lived in a quaint little cottage
in the middle of the forest. There was a great big enormous Papa Bear, a
middle-sized (but quite cuddly) Mama Bear, and little itty-bitty Baby Bear. And life was
quiet for the most part.
One day Mama Bear decided to make some soup. She called in from the kitchen
to Papa Bear. "Papa," she said, "What kind of soup would you like for dinner?"
Before Papa Bear could get in one solitary word, Baby Bear chimed in. "I
want carrot soup, I want carrot soup!" he cried. Mama looked meaningfully at Papa (no
doubt thinking a hearty smack on the wee one's bottom would do simply world's of
good), but Papa just made a gruff Papa Bear noise and buried his nose in the morning
newspaper.
Mama sighed. "Very well, Baby, I shall make carrot soup," she said. "Goody!" cried
Baby, and promptly sent a huge tower of block he had been building clattering down onto
the hardwood floor. Papa Bear put his paws over his ears and growled. Baby
ignored him. Mama began to make the soup.
When the soup was ready, Mama Bear ladled it into three wooden bowls and set
them on the table. And the bears sat down to eat.
Papa Bear slurped a great slurp of his soup and immediately spat it out
again. "Are you trying to kill me, woman?" he roared. "This soup is much too hot!"
Mama tried a more reasonable bit of her own soup. "Whatever are you talking
about, dear?" she asked sweetly. "Anyone with more than half a brain can tell that
the soup is quite cold."
Baby Bear professed himself quite ready to eat all the soup right then and
there; he said his was just the way he liked it. The Bears' household, however, was
no democracy (I'm pretty sure it wasn't even what one could call an equal partnership),
and so Papa decided that they should take a walk, giving the soup a chance to come to
the proper temperature.
No sooner had the Bears left their cottage when who should come tripping
along the forest path but Goldilocks, the Better Living Housewife (you may perhaps
know her better as that Stewart woman). Noticing that the Bears had left the front door
slightly ajar, and having no more sense of propriety than a pig in a sty (more on the
adventures of three of them at a later date), she immediately entered the cottage, whipped
out her Palm Pilot, and began taking notes on the decor.
Now, I don't suppose we could charge her with breaking and entering since
the Bears HAD left the door open, but as we shall soon see, entering and breaking is
another story entirely.
Feeling a bit weary after her labors, Goldilocks slumped into Papa Bear's
chair, only to rise hurriedly, proclaiming it harder than a Scholastic Aptitude Test. Next
she tried Mama's chair, from which she very nearly was unable to rise, it being
something like sinking into...well, never mind. Finally, she tried Baby Bear's chair,
which turned out to be an instant A+ for comfort, but an F- for workmanship. The little
chair shattered into a million (well, quite a few anyway) pieces, leaving Goldilocks rubbing
her bruised dignity and wondering if maybe she'd been overdoing the Hostess Twinkies of
late.
All that unwonted exercise left Goldie feeling a bit peckish, and she soon
discovered the bowls of soup still sitting on the dining room table. She tasted Papa
Bear's and found it considerably too hot for tender sensibilities. Mama Bear's seemed to
be more of a carrot consomm
Comments (13)
TheAnimaGemini
LOL Great story. But you never should tell this story to your grandchildren LOL Excellent.
RodolfoCiminelli
Excellent history and work my friend......!!!
MeredithWilson
Dear Morgan, I always figured that Goldilocks should have been a goner!!! Napping away in the dens, (or bedrooms as the case may be,) of large wild animals is almost a sure fire way to cancel out your life insurance! Of course, on the bright side, I understand she's been nominated for a Darwin award!! Ahhh - Fame at last!!! (Oddly enough, I hear that a number of candidates are likewise blondes!! I planning on being REALLY careful!!!!!) I'm so glad you took the plunge!! These little writing ditties are so much fun! And needless to say - we all need a double shot of fun!!! Super cute and super fun!!!!! Love ya!!! Meredith PS - And when they do the movie, I understand that Martha is available!! (Be sure to include in the contract that she does her own stunts!!!)
VelvetMoxie
HA! This is wonderful stuff...I needed a good laugh today!
Syltermermaid
LOL, what a fantastic fairytale!!!!LOL I think I stick by the old version!!!LOL Excellent also your image!!! Hugs Ute
brycek
Absolutely Fantastic Morgan..Great Job!!
tallpindo
Did you tick the violence checkbox? Consequences, I know! You drummed it into me. It all comes out like Bathsheeba's first miscarriage. I bet she got those glasses from the Bureau of Corrections! So time to edit this timeless prose. Put "Sic Semper Tyrannis" on the passages where evil triumphs then "Sic Transit Gloria Mundi" on the passages where a blond seems required. Now with the prose "Two Sic to stand" it is off to the publishers with no fear of bearing false witness.
Primal
A fine twist on this old tail!!Excellent arttoo!
Mercytoo
lol! Wonderfully weird story Morgan. Gave me a great big smile & laugh, thanks!
DRAKELOT
Fantastic Morgan !!!
daveyg
just excellent
PositivelyCreative
LOL!! Simply wonderful!!
morin3000
Happiness is like the sun: It happens that he is sometimes behind the clouds, but he is always present nevertheless. Happy New Year ((( Beautiful image 5+ ))