I Love You, Poppa by summer1412
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Description
Four years today. Four blurry, strange years. It's still hard to believe that someone else will answer the phone if I dial the old number.
Even as things settle down, and even as the emotional aspect of it has numbed a bit, it still seems like yesterday that I woke up to the news. Every year, it's always the same story but a higher number of days gone by. Thinking of what I could have said, lost opportunities, moments when I should've said I loved him but didn't for whatever reason. I don't know...around Poppa it was always a humbling experience. You felt shy around him. You felt like, "Wow. This is an amazing man." It was just...common sense to respect him. Seen but not heard.
Makes me think that sometimes I spoke up at the wrong moments - when it really didn't mean anything but I was just being childish.
I wonder if I've changed much?
I don't think so. Each year, when I light the candle and put it on the sill with care, it makes me wonder if the light will just...explode, and in great brightness, he'll return. Like in that movie K-PAX.
For some reason, this year is harder than any other has been.
I had a dream about him last night. It's been happening a lot lately. We're always younger, but we know what we know now. I'm maybe four or five...something like that. He looks healthy. Happy. We're at the beach, getting seashells.
*sigh* I don't think it will ever be easy, remembering him...missing him. I can't even say what I'd give to get a hug from him.
So...the candle is lit. Another year.
Oh Poppa...I miss you so much. I'd do anything to just hear your voice again. We miss you so deeply. So, so deeply.
I love you, Poppa.
I love you.
Comments (4)
mickeyrony
I my Beautiful death includes/understands you very well a expensive being cannot fill the hardest vacuum in all that is more to have conversations plus nothing it is attroce this calver the Every day a little bit more sorrows and any words of comfort of the person dear But you knows it sees all and includes/understands all but of sharp voice cannot answer you is very well to renew it to you and I admire you for that and escuse me of this incursion into your dedication for Popa as with you holds it well...MICKEYRONY Take care))..............................((Je te comprend tres bien ma Belle La mort d'un re cher ne peut combler un vide Le plus dur dans tout cela c'est de ne plus avoir de conversations plus rien c'est attroce ce calver Tout les jours un petit peu plus de peines et aucunes paroles de ronfort de la personne cher Mais tu sait il voit tout et comprend tout mais ne peut te rondre de vive voix C'est tres bien de te le renouveler et je t'admire pour cela et escuse moi de cette incursion dans ton dicace pour un Popa comme le tient bien toi MICKEYRONY))
Surama
I know what you feel...my dad dies 10 years ago now.....but I feel it was like yesterday! So beautiful words for your dad! He will know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
summer1412
NOTE TO ALL: He was my grandfather :)
chill09
A lovely and thoughtful tribute. The more you love someone the more you hurt when they are gone. And the more special they are the deeper the impact they have on you - so your feelings alone are a tribute. You carry on his spirit by what he imprinted on you. Hindsight is a tricky devil-as you can never regain those lost opportunities but are forever smarting over what you should have and could have done or said. It is part of living and learning and can't be avoided. And I am sure he was old and wise enough to understand any "childish" moments- isn't that what you were? In fact, I'll be he was amused to see you express your unique personality. He most likely learned things about himself through you-as all parents (grandparents) do. I am sure he is smiling over you and is pleased to know he gave you a love that will last a lifetime. Best wishes to you.