As I Waited For The Train by mamabobbijo
Close
Hover over top left image to zoom.
Click anywhere to exit.
Members remain the original copyright holder in all their materials here at Renderosity. Use of any of their material inconsistent with the terms and conditions set forth is prohibited and is considered an infringement of the copyrights of the respective holders unless specially stated otherwise.
Description
There's a challenge in the writers forum, Drekinn gave the title, and I used the last word of the previous poem,( by dinhi), I thought it turned out well. Hope you like it. BJ
As I Waited For The Train
Sentinel, he stands there, his expression seems pained
He's marked the seasons faithfully, got wet each time it rained
Stood steadfast through each blizzard, sighed in the summer heat
He's staunchly maintained his vigil, as he stands on leaden feet
The little girl capers gracefully, across the platform there
She skips and hops, and waves her arms in the sultry air
She stops and gazes up at him the sentinel of the place
She tells him why she's come here, he's touched by her grace
Her waiting is a joyous thing, "Daddy's coming home this way"
She's blissful in her celebration, "I turn four years old today"
"You can come to my party" she shyly smiles and and pats his knee
"If you come I'll save a spot, right there next to me"
The whistle sounds on down the track, she whirls to see the train
her foot gets caught between the boards, she'll have a nasty sprain
She teeters on the platforms edge, then tumbles toward the track
No one moved, the Earth stood still, then came a mighty CRACK
The sentinel's one mighty arm reached out and snatched her back
He set her down so gently, with an arm now strangely slack
The metal that encased him, in puddles around his feet
Perhaps this was the miracle, he'd been waiting here to meet
A tiny graceful stranger, with a kind word just for him
To start a warming in his heart, that lay trapped deep within
It melted him from the inside out, til he could move again
How touching that the first thing he did was save his tiny friend
Comments (12)
romanceworks
Wow, this gave me goosebumps. I was horrified when she fell, and joyful when she was saved. Excellent piece - hope you'll share more of your wonderful writing. CC
Dinhi
I really like the way your story pulls us in with your characters! Excellent creative writing BJ! [=
shahlaa
My heart was racing and just stood still as I read the word "Crack"...what a beautiful poem, it really touched my heart...it only goes to show that we have guardian angels here on earth looking out for us and it's always so much better to seek the good in people then to only see the bad...thank you for sharing, a beautiful poem.
CarolSassy
That's wonderful! Excellent work/story/poetry! (:
NekhbetSun
Have to admit I got chills reading this....very touching !!!
tatman6
Very well done, It has kindness, suspence, a hint of sadness and a heroic end. Good job!!!
Hendesse
Wonderful story/poem. With the help from my dictionary and an online translator I understand all. You are very talented, really impressive! :)
wildgoha
OMG I am touched sooo soo deeply- an d that's like a story about the angel as we need sometimes - in second person comming just when we need it the most beauty my dear ;) and you made me smile ;) you have to be wonderful grandmother !and what a super stories you can tell eh - most excellent ;)
rainbows
A superb writing, BJ.. So graphic the picture you paint.. I still have goosebumps. I have read your wonderful work several times now. Sublime, BJ! Take a bow :-) Hugs Diane.
sirdavid
Wonderful words BJ and so glad that the little one was saved.
npauling
Your storytelling is amazing as you make your characters come to light. I can really see this little girl and the sentinel. I'm glad he saved her.
Bothellite
Beautifully imaginative and wrapped up in your style. I, like the other readers above was really wrapped as well, on that one moment. Great read.