Only now I've arrived at catching this night in words. Fragments have been flowing through my mind. I have "eternalised" this night in my thoughts. By living and feeling it very consciously. Now when I close my eyes and think back, I can see and feel those peaceful hours again. No... nothing important, no deep thoughts, no great expectations. But just. Being quietly happy... Living. Being allowed to live. It was in the beginning of december. The latest chemo had ended three weeks ago. The next one was at hand. The last few days before a cure usually were the best. ***************************************************** My bed is placed in the living room, next to a large window. I rarely close the curtains - the garden is sheltered and I like to look at that part of it. Slowly the clouds glide past the moon. Eternal movement. From left to right. Past. Present. Future... The word "contemporary" springs to my mind...I don't know why. For a long time this word has been having an uncomprehended meaning to me. Pale silvery moonbeams caress the leaves in the garden. Even this late in the year the trees and plants are still adorned in green. The sounds of the day have ebbed away. Most of them at least. I hear the ticking of the heating pipes. The clock. The humming of the refrigerator. A distant car. This night feels peaceful. I close my eyes. Some hours later I wake up again. I need to go to the bathroom. Somewhat reluctantly I remove the warm covers. Slowly I let both my feet touch the floor. Having arrived there, I gently allow my weight to rest on them. My crutches are close by. Carefully I close the covers behind me. Quietly I place one foot before the other. Until I am in the back kitchen. The bathroom. Through the window in the back kitchen I notice the moonbeams kissing the ground here as well. The trees. The horse meadow. I walk up to the window and look... ah... one of the kittens... Manny. I look for the key and open the door. With a soft mew Manny enters. He caresses my legs with the soft fur of his tail and with his small head. Questioningly he looks up at me and mews again, a little bit louder this time. Gently I lift him to my shoulder. His favourite place. He sounds so happy. Purring he turnes about from one side to the other. He doesn't have much hold, but he's still quite small. Now my neck and cheeks are gently caressed by his smooth fur. A scent of hay. He must just have been in the horse shed. Jump. Manny contentedly walks on into the kitchen. I walk back to my bed again and snugly crawl up under the covers. There's still some warmth left. A moment later I hear catfood being nibbled When I open my eyes again it's almost morning. I'm slumbering. After a while I hear some stumbling upstairs. My husband has awoken. Shortly after he enters the room. I smile. He smiles. He walks up to me. A kiss on my mouth. Our eyes kiss each other. A new day... ******************************************************